Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Randomize