I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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