Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
