i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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