I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
