elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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