In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
