I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
