I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
