Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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