Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
