They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
