i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
