Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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