sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
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