Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
