singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
