Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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