ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
