Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
