I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
