I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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