i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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