it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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