is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
