Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
