I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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