Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Randomize
