he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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