I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize