dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
