I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
