So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
