tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
