what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
