I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
