Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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