After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
