oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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