so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
