what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
