SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
