We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
