you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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