When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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