The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
