Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
my being single is dangerous.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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