Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
