he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
