the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
