On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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