I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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