you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
