I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
