if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize