Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
