i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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