The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I just sucked dick on a ferry
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
