I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I deserve to be covered in dicks
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
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