Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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