Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
