Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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