I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
