Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
