??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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