people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
