very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
