Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
