Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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