grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
