Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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