your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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