life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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