i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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