oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
