So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
