Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
that may or may not have been my penis.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
