She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
