There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
