You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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