your parents love me but you hate me
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
