It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
