I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
