I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
he fucked my hip out of place.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
