my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize