I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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