The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
