so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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