Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize