im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
