Non-Jews are for practice
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
